Happiness is all the rage, and why
not, we all want to be happy. I love what the brilliant German playwright and philosopher, Johann Wolfgang
von Goethe said in his epic poem, Faust, “Only in the present is our
happiness.” If you think about it, this makes sense. After all, we only exist
in the present moment. We do not live in the past or in the future, but only in
the present. If we are going to be happy, then we must be happy now.
Unfortunately, we often allow our regrets and guilt about the past or our
worries and fears about the future to rob the present moment of happiness. When
we do come back to the present it is usually to feel inadequate and
dissatisfied.
I have known too many people who
procrastinate the day of their happiness. They imagine to themselves that they
will be happy when they finally graduate from school, or when they get that
great job, or when they finally get married, or sometimes, divorced, or they
will finally be happy when they own their dream home, or have a new car. The
conditions for future happiness are infinite, and they will never be satisfied.
Happiness is something we experience in the present moment or not at all. “Dare
to be happy,” as Goethe challenged his nineteenth century compatriots. Yet, how
do we “dare to be happy,” or how do we choose to be happy right now?
One problem is it
is difficult to identify exactly what happiness is. Of course, there are many different conceptions of the meaning
of happiness. Essentially happiness does seem to be a subjective state in which
we experience wellbeing. What exactly this wellbeing might be, however, is
often debated. Some identify it with pleasure (hedonists and utilitarians).
Others believe it is the absence of desire (Eastern philosophies). And there
are those who say it is a state of character (Aristotle). Most likely, they are
all right in their own way and from their particular perspective.
Two of my favorite definitions
of happiness are as follows. The first I found in Herman Melville’s Moby
Dick:
But
even so, amid the tornadoed Atlantic of my being, do I myself still for ever
centrally disport in mute calm; and while ponderous planets of unwaning woe
revolve round me, deep down and deep inland there I still bathe me in eternal
mildness of joy.
It’s that last phrase that speaks
to me – the eternal mildness of joy. Melville was expressing that such calm joy
can be experienced deep within us, even when surrounded by turbulent adversity.
That seems to me to be a perfect statement of happiness. The second is my own
creation. I have come to appreciate and understand happiness as the
confident expectation in the goodness of the present moment.
I should make you aware of two
more key aspects of happiness. Both could be considered paradoxes. They are:
The Hedonic Paradox: You can’t directly choose
happiness. The British philosopher, John Stuart Mill in his autobiography said,
I never wavered in the
conviction that happiness is the test of all rules of conduct and the end of
life. But I now thought that this end was only to be attained by not making it
the direct end. Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object
other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, or on the
improvement of mankind…. Aiming thus on something else, they find happiness by
the way.
Mm,
now I’m getting closer to where I want to end up, given the title of this post,
but not just yet.
The Happiness Paradox: Most people report happiness
with their life as a whole (what we might call “life assessment”), but
experience dissatisfaction in the present moment (what we might call “emotional
wellbeing”). A famous study in 2010 by Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton
discovered the above two different measures of wellbeing or happiness. The
first they called life evaluation or assessment of one’s life as a whole, and the
second they called an everyday emotional wellbeing, where one has more positive
emotional states than negative states throughout the day. They discovered that
the more money a person has increases his or her life assessment indefinitely,
but after a certain income level (they pegged it at $75000) an increase in pay will
show little affect on one’s daily emotional wellbeing.
I guess the key question to ask
is where does a person live their life, in the daily moments of life or in the
abstraction of their life assessment? If a person is wealthy then it makes
sense that as they look over their life they assume it most be a good life, yet
in each moment they discover money doesn’t necessarily lead to authentic
relationships to self, others, community, or world. Most people, I believe, are
interested in the cultivation of happiness in the present moment, or at least
in addition to leading, over all, a pleasant quality of life, each of us also
desires the eternal mildness of joy in our daily emotional states.
There is a great story about
Diogenes the Cynic and Alexander the Great that illustrates another dimension
to this question of happiness. According to ancient legend, in 336 B.C.E.
Alexander comes to visit Diogenes in Corinth. Alexander finds Diogenes lying
naked in a discarded barrel in the street. You see, Diogenes had complete
disregard for external goods such as honor, wealth, or reputation and chose
instead to live according to the dictates of his own whims. It was said he was
truly happy and content. Standing over him, Alexander asks Diogenes if he could
do anything for him; grant him any favor he might choose. This might be like if
the richest, most powerful person in the world were to come up to you and offer
to give you anything you wanted. What would you ask for?
Well
Diogenes, without even looking up at Alexander, simply said, “Yes, you could
move out of the way, you’re blocking the sun.” One legend states that the men
around Alexander were so infuriated at Diogenes insolence towards their
powerful king that they wanted to kill Diogenes, but Alexander stopped them.
Then he famously said, “If I were not Alexander, I would be Diogenes!” When I
ask my students what Alexander might have meant, they point out that Alexander
recognized how truly happy Diogenes was, compared to himself. While Alexander
possessed great power, wealth, and reputation, he wasn’t really happy.
Alexander’s great wealth and power could not bring him the happiness and
contentment of Diogenes genuine independence.
I guess one way to look at this
story is to say that one way to be truly happy is to be completely, and I do
mean totally, independent from others, living a solitary and self-sufficient
life, without any obligations that arise from family, work, or community
relationships. Do any of us desire to live such a life? For many it is too late
as we find ourselves already embedded in relationships of family, or friendship,
or work. We have to find happiness in ourselves, in the present moment, while
embedded within these important relationships. But how?
In some sense, our
lives are but a sequence of moments, of present moments. The quality of our
lives will depend upon the quality of those moments – how we choose to be in
those moments, and how we choose to respond to what occurs in those moments.
Will we choose to determine the quality of that moment for ourselves, or will
we allow the moment to determine us? Diogenes could determine the moment for
himself because he could care less for anybody else, but what if we do care
about others, our relationships, and how other people feel? How do we determine
the moment and not be determined by it, no matter how difficult or pleasant, and
experience happiness?
I
find the wisest counsel in the words of an 8th-century Buddhist scholar,
Shantideva, who said:
All those who
suffer in the world do so because of their desire for their own happiness. All
those happy in the world are so because of their desire for the happiness of
others.
Wow, that’s cool! I
have found this to be true. When I focus on my own happiness, it eludes me. The
harder I concentrate on it, the more it recedes from my grasp. Yet when I focus
on others, not trying to make them happy, that would be tragic and impossible,
but when I concentrate on giving others what I desire for myself; namely,
respect and kindness, I discover happiness and joy in the present moment.
Funny, when I seek it, it is not there. When I don’t seek it, but instead focus
on serving others in the present moment, it appears. So if you want to
experience happiness in the present moment, to determine for yourself what the
present moment will be, don’t seek happiness for yourself, but seek to help and
serve others, and your own happiness will arise without effort. Of course,
don’t take my word for it, or even Shantideva, instead try it for yourself.
Let’s go and do it today!
